Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
