Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
