at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Randomize
