I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
