i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
