True but thats because hes a fetus.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
