i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize