i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
