Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Randomize
