I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
