you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
COCAINE IS GR8
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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