dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Randomize
