I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
