Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
