the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
