cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Randomize
