tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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