it wasn't lemon gatorade
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
