It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
look no pants
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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