his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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