I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
