Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
