yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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