Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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