Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
