I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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