you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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