So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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