Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
