i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
