So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
