Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
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He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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