you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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