No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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