He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
