also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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