I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
