ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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