So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
