So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
