spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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