apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
