She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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