well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I enjoy the company of your penis
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