I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
