Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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