You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
