Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
