I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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