am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
bring money and cleavage
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The air was thick with penises
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Randomize
