I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
