i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
