just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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