a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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