um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
