my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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