he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
