I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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