I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
