i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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