Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
