I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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