genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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