Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
