then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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