I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
