I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
