Is it because I queefed?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
