it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
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In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
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We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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