It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
