it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
