one two three fourrrrnication!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
