I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
A+ Viking dick
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
