I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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