Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
