Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize