Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
