i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
