He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
