I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
