I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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