I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
