Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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