Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
