I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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