He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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