zippers are such a cool invention
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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