I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
