Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
